Penning Some Puns

by Bill Wall


To the chess editor in Ohio


Elo there,


Hou are you doing?    I played in a chess tournament in Concord, California recently. That is where a man named Brian Willson got his foot Kotov by a Navy train as he was Mecking a protest over nuclear arms.  He wanted to sue the Navy, but he doesn't have a leg to stand on.  He's leaning towards peaceful protesting now.  He used to be Tal, but now he is Short.  The train running over his leg must have Hort like Hecht.  You could have heard him scream and Howell for Miles.


 I know, So what and who Keres.  They took him to the hospital where he Bled all over the Flohr.  They had to give hime Morphyne for the pain.  He's Fine now and spends his time as a Fischerman in the Bay Area and plays the Sax when he Kan (he stars in a local band here, called Stump the Band). And From his wheel chair he caught quite a number of Bass last week.   About 'leven, I think.  That's right, Levenfish.  I'm not Keene on fishing myself.  I once was Browne-ing some fish but Byrned myself when I knocked the Panov the stove.  I now get all my fish from MacDonald's rather than Cook it. Some of Willson's more Wilder friends have been charged for Larseny.  Stole some government documents, I believe.  My wife knows for sure.  I'll Lasker next time I see her.  She got a traffic ticket  last month for driving in the wrong Lein down Lombardy street in San Francisco. It would have been the right side of the Rohde if it was in Lundin, Englund. She also didn't Buckle up.  That's the Law around here, a real Bonar.


   Tomorrow Walter, the fire Marshall, comes by to inspect our house.   I don't Burn anything except Pillsbury muffins and Fried liver.   Nunn of the neighbors flunked the inspection, so I should have no problems  if I clean this place and make it look Purdy.  I think I'm Reti for it.   I took the Tarrasch out to the dump and I'll Showalter a clean house and garage.   I had to take Taimanov from work to be here for the inspection.


   Went to Bradley Beach a few weeks ago.  Water was too cold to Wade in.  It's still Winter here, but much warmer in the South.  You still have to Dake a coat along or some other wind Blocker.  Place was deserted except for one lady walking her Colle.  The only tree, a Lone Pine, had one Bird in it.  I think it was a Kmochingbird.  It's not the Riviere but its Nice.


   Enough Gossip.  I could write a Book on all this.  No need to punish Euwe any further (no pawn intended).  I just have a Knaak for this sort of Chess 'n stuff.  It's either this or get beat in Pachman by by my wife.